Silent Voice

Marriage:Complete Surrender

2009-11-22T04:15:00.000-08:00

Almost one and a half year back during my wedding reception my father-in-law introduced me to his very good friend, a businessman from Delhi. He warmly greeted me and introduced me to his wife. We were having a casual chat and he joked. Aniket, let me tell you one thing, there is only one secret to all successful marriages, its "Complete Surrender". All of us had a good laugh. I had almost forgotten about it until few days back I subconsciously shared this joke with some one and I started think about it to understand: Does "Complete Surrender" really has a secret to a happily married life.

In my opinion Yes and No. It purely depends upon the perception of "What am I surrendering?"

When I first time heard the joke, my reaction was simple, Surrender of once bachelor-ship, freedom, opinion, right and identity (NOTE: Very much is casual sense). But when I rethink of it I guess I see a more clearer picture. Yes, in "Complete Surrender" by both husband and wife lies the path towards happy marriage . But its very important to define Surrender of what! Opinion? Freedom? Identity? I don't think so. On contrary I don't even think one can surrender them , At most one can achieve is suppression of their own opinion and voice.

Doesn't matter which relation we talk about opinions are meant to clash against each other. Be it Parent-Child or Husband-Wife or a Friend. Opinions are crucial for our identity to exist, for us to exist and no two people will ever have exactly same identity and so its natural to have difference in opinions on different topics .So the clash of opinions in nothing but natural. Parent-Child opinion collision happen and do resolve as parent have edge and authority[Not always, but many a times]. Among friends we avoid opinion clashes to avoid conflicts, it relatively more simpler. But for a healthy marriage opinion-clashes are inevitable, and the challenge is how do we resolve the differences. Neither parents way nor friends ways of dealing with clashes works here.

Many couple feel the heat of incompatibility sooner or later and they may have a list of situations, examples, scenarios supporting the same. But digging a but deeper there seems to be a single root cause. When ever there is collision of two object there is generation of energy. Any clashes would inevitable generate energy if not dissipated smartly would add to the incompatibility sum. What we call incompatibility is nothing but inability to accept the difference in opinions and the thought processes.

Equilibrium. peace, harmony and tranquility can be achieved only when we find a way to dissipate the energy. Next obvious expectation is to find a way to let this energy disperse/release. Interesting the quest to this solution would lead us no where, may be because we are asking a wrong question. May be it would be more appropriate to ask, what is stopping the energy from dissipating? Since we are the source of energy it is natural for the sink as well has to reside within.

In my belief answer is quite simple and it should not take anyone by surprise, I feel its our Ego which insulates the heat from sinking in. And it is the complete surrender of this ego to each other is where lies the happiness of married life.

This is not a theory, Neither it is a fact. Its not based on observation, nor on conscious experience of mine. Its purely sequence of thoughts my mind went through. If you think its complete rubbish, I will agree with you more then anyone else.

2009-07-15T19:42:00.000-07:00

Once I was having a discussion with my brother about "Nature and Evolution". I thought Evolution as a sophisticated, well defined process. Whereas according to my brother it was series of coincidences. But either way we agreed that process of Evolution has some sort of feedback loop of itself which continuously tries to reduce error or reach equilibrium. Any change in the the Nature/Surrounding and adaptation begins.

Each and every living being follows rules laid by nature without questioning, knowingly or unknowingly except US(Not United Stated but Humans). Now here is an interesting question I would like to pose: "Was Human Evolution part of Nature's master plan or was it a coincidental mistake?". Its like one of the nature's experiment went terribly wrong and she created Human: Very fast evolving and adapting destructive creature. Surprisingly it sounds similar to "Terminator" kind of or Spielberg movie where machines created by humans overpower them.

"One's own creation for its own destruction."

So, why are we causing harm to nature when we know we cannot live without it. In my opinion though humans have extraordinary intelligence they suffer short sightedness.
They are incapable(or unwilling) to evaluate long term consequences of any event/discovery/invention.

On contrary I would make a strong statement: Inventions(creations) is nature's job. And we(humans) have taken over it. Nature knows what its doing. But humans have taken over this process without understanding that creation is God's(Nature's) work. And it does come with lots of responsibility of understanding and evaluating rewards against consequences for whole nature.

I cannot think of single human invention (may be bcoz of my ignorance) that has benefited Nature/Earth/Evolution. We invent for humankind, we do not invent for necessity but for comfort. Every invention at first go seem harmless and sheer beauty. But when whole of mankind starts using that invention it has its toll over nature. And unfortunately yesterday comfort becomes today's necessity and the irreversible process continuous.

we live happily - > we create fire -> we burn wood -> Fire gives us heat -> Fire becomes necessity -> everyone use fire -> everyone burn wood -> cannot live without fire -> cut more trees -> cause more pollution -> Go to G8 summit -> discuss how to reduce emission -> go home -> Celebrate launching of space shuttle Endeavor. Huh!

......thoughts

2009-05-01T03:46:00.000-07:00

I happened to meet Dhananjay today morning at Blood camp he and his friends had organized for Nirman. On my way back home I was thinking about the discussion I had with him regarding social issues and how they are trying to spread across the goal, motto and purpose of Nirman.

Human mind is such a fascinating thing. Even before an eye blinks it can travel across the globe and come to the pin point halt from where it started. The thought process which took off as I was waving good bye to Dhananjay too meet a similar fate. I am trying to share the thought process I went through, you may agree, disagree or criticize, partially or completely, my way of thinking. You will be welcomed.

Let me begin with a very controversial question: Is there ANY similarity between a terrorist and social activist? I believe that they are at the 2 opposite ends of the same curve. Terrorist always looks for destruction, violence and imbalance, Social Activist on contrary desires peace, equality and development. But still the question remains unanswered: What is the common thread that connects them? I feel it’s their state of mind or more precisely a complete devotion for a very well defined purpose and more importantly putting forth their purpose before self.

A year ago I came across a book named “Freakonomics”. An interesting point the author was trying to make was; doesn’t matter how noble or sinful our actions are they are always motivated by what he calls “Incentive”. Kindly make a note that incentive need not always be monetary or materialistic it can even be love, affection, ego, respect, importance or above all happiness. Every action we do good, bad or ugly is weighed against incentive we see. To give an analog, it’s a greedy algorithm. At every node we have set of options to choose from. These options are weighed against their respective incentive which in turn determines our actions.

So, what’s the point? The question I wanted to ask: Why is it so easy to find fanaticist/terrorists/Goons compared to social activist? A common man can rarely belong to class of Goons but why he is neither a social activist? He is the one who is most affected by social turmoil’s and imbalance. He is the one who is most frustrated with the dysfunctional social system. Then why, why he is the one who is most tolerant? It should not be difficult to answer this question. It’s quite simple he cannot see much of an incentive.

A common man has as much motivation to do a social good as much motivation terrorist has to do evil; the difference exists in the monetary incentives. A terrorist would come with pounds and dollars where as a common man has to worry about earning money for his daily bread, or may be for his own house or may be for children education or their wedding. Does he really have time to think about environmental issues and awareness, social causes and their betterment? And finally do we really think that a global and social upliftment can happen without the contribution of a common man.

No amount of awareness campaign will be enough to gather an attention of a man walking on the street, if you really want to make him get involved give him enough incentive. He may come forth and contribute to your social cause without realizing he is doing so? Here is an example, give an advertisement in a newspaper:
ADV 1: A graduate tutor needed to teach Math for underprivileged children for NGO
ADV 2: A graduate tutor needed Rs.2000/month.
No need to mention which adv will attract more applicants.

Every person may not have the depth and sensitivity towards a social problem, BUT every person can play a role in solving it. For social activist efforts towards solving a problem and seeing a better tomorrow may be good enough incentive to be motivated. Where as Rs.2000/month is a good enough salary for an unemployed graduate. He need not understand the bigger picture which you as social activists or a reformer can see.

When ever we think of an NGO, or organization working for social cause, why do we think it to be a non-monetary organization? Why can’t it be a full fledged Corporate Organization having 2 independent wings.

- Industrial Wing: May be any profit making industry, for that matter say IT services company having a well defined hierarchy, just like any other organization, a highly professional organization with sole goal of making profit.

- Social Wing: A wing full fledged devoted to social development. A complete monetary profit of Wing-1 is diverted to a social wing. Which as well would have people form various streams, from law to arts, from medicine to engineering; from school teachers to clerks getting paid as good as they would if worked for any public/private sector.

I know you may say it’s like building palace in air. But please try to understand the zest of the communication. A young youth who is socially motivated should not be in dilemma of taking risk purely based on financial circumstances. Why not there be world where people stop referring to some people as social activists and call them social professional. Why not there be a world where there would be social career is looked upon as an opportunity rather then risk.

I know the whole thing sounds stupid. But who cares. Thoughts are likes waves who says they necessarily need a purpose.

Hmmm...

2009-02-18T02:36:00.000-08:00

Data mining Consultancy Pune

A Vague blog....

2008-02-06T09:58:00.000-08:00

A new post on my blog after a very long time. It surprises me how one thing lead to other and we happen to do things which we have never planned. There were so many important things about which I want to blog. But I didn't, as I didn't had enough of time (A LAME excuse). Anyways, it's 11.30 pm . Tomorrow I have to catch flight for Pune at 9.00am and its high time I take proper rest (This was what I was thinking few minutes back). And I don't know why, I just felt I should visit my web pages on cse site and as I was reading through those pages, lost in usual nostalgia....I saw the link "My Blog" clicked over it....and started reading my own blogs...Everytime I read them I enjoy it more...each one of them are in different mood and time and space....And I dont know why....I just felt putting the vague thoughts right over here....The place where they originated.

Rarely in life we have moments where we can express exactly what you feel....the way we feel.....the instant you feel. I didn't want to go lose one of those rare moment.

Theory of importance.

2007-05-21T23:18:00.000-07:00

Everyone wants to feel important. Nothing wrong about it. But at the same we want others to give us importance, to treat us to be special and we feel disappointed when this does not happen. Its the unconscious mind and buried ego that demands such a behaviour. Most of us refuse to accept this fact but its an futile attempt.

The theory of importance states that, every individual seeks for importance from selected few sources(individuals/friends/family), and feel hurt if these sources fail to do so. This concept of "importance" shows itself in two stages which are linked in complicated manner. One cannot exist without another:
1. The source approaching an individual and making a proposal giving him importance. eg. Ram asks Shyam would you like to come for movie.
2. Refusal of proposal to feel important. eg. Shyam refuses to come for movie.

Lets analyze above example: Shyam may not be really interested in watching movie. But what if Ram who is Shyam's good friend goes for movie without telling him. When Shyam learns this fact he feels disappointed. Why? The reason being Ram did not give him importance which he expected and had taken for granted from him. The fact whether he is really keen on watching movie becomes secondary and immaterial. Worse still Shyam would certainly argue that he would have come for the movie if asked.

What if we bend time-space continuum and travel back in time. And see what happens when Ram asked Shyam for a movie. Expectations are so vicious thing, we take them for granted. Ram gave importance to Shyam but for Shyam never thought he needs to appreciate this gesture. On contrary what happens next is very interesting, Shyam refuses the proposal, the reason is obvious he is not interested in movie. But there is another dark side to the decision. Acceptance of proposal is like surrender to others will and losing our importance. So you refuse and our subconscious mind feels contended.

It would be difficult for all of us to accept the part of the theory which says, "Importance of refusal." I guess it is too harsh. But when I try to justify Shyam's statement, "I would have come for movie, if Ram had called.". I cannot think of alternative explanation then what I have given.

Its important to try to understand the theory by putting ourselves in the first person and ask why do I feel disappointed if my friend/family do not ask for my opinion or consider my choice. Irrespective of the fact what answer I would have given the thought that troubles us the most is not the original question under consideration but our lack of trust in the other person and feeling of betrayal only because other person did not give me importance or in other words hurt my subconscious ego(Which none of us think we have).

Drinking is bad, Its a Sin?

2007-05-05T02:17:00.000-07:00

Recently I found myself in middle of the following conversation.
Lady Friend: Do you Drink?
Me: Yes, Why?
And I could see her face change. As if those expressions said, "Drinking is bad, Its a Sin.". I didn't extend the conversation because harder I would have tried to explain that "Drinking" as normal act more it would have looked like a "Justification of my so called Sin".

Being in Goa for last 25 years. The place is so much influenced by western culture, that drinking alcohol never came to me as a cultural shock. No one ever argued about drinking as good or bad act neither anyone insisted others to have or to stop drinking. Over the years being in goa, the implication, "Boozing implies addict/hitting wife/vomit/bad-mouthing/lying in gutter" never occurred to me as such examples were rare compared to number of people I had seen drinking. May be its because of the maturity of a particular community towards a particular aspect of life.

But certainly that gaze of my friend still confuses me. I pondered alot not for "Justification of an act" but rather to take it to a level above. Coming back to the original question, "Is Drinking bad/sin?". Hmmm... Certainly the word "bad" in itself is relative and solely depends upon an individuals perspective . But still taking a step ahead, I would say an act is bad if that act results in physical/mental anguish of society or group of people or of an individual himself. And in my opinion a person who is an occasional drinker hardly indulges himself in any activity which is hurtful to the society or an individual. OK. The above explanation may seem like a justification. In which case lets talk about something else. Lets consider work. "Is working bad?". Certainly not. That's the most creative and constructive thing to do. But is it always the case. Have you ever encountered an Workaholic? A person who is so passionate about his work, that he spends 12-14 hours working (certainly there many of them in IT industry.) Do they do justice to their own physical/mental health or the health of their family and society. The statistics say that, the rate of suicide, divorce and impotency is the most in IT industry and cause being the workload and competition. So working hard is bad?

The point is how well a person knows where and when to stop. Let it be work, playing. Internet gaming, love, emotions, orkutting, chatting and for that matter drinking. By their inception they are not bad, its an inability of a person to control their actions is where the problem lies.

In my opinion people take "Drinking" at its face value. You would see a person fully drunk lying beside road-side and happily conclude "all drinkers are the same". But one would never peep into a devastated lovers heart and say "No one should fall in love". You would not see fights in Workaholics home and stop putting extra hours at work. You will never understand the depression of "gaming freak" and stop playing minesweeper. No doubt addiction is bad but it does not make the act itself ruinous.

Recently I happened to interact with gals and most of them were of strong opinion that their to be husband would be "Non-drinkers". Its very much same as when guy say my to be wife would be with "Good looks and figure". Certainly both are the wrong means of judging a person. I always feel tempted to tell these gals please think of maturity and integrity of man before having "Non-drinker" specification on their list. Its certainly worth being with a man who knows the difference rather then a man who is ignorant about it.

Life!!!!

2007-04-24T23:23:00.000-07:00

What is life? I don't know for some reason I happen to ask this question to often to my friends and myself in these days. Have I really had enough experience to understand life in its original form. Sometimes I feel, life is this huge thing, very very huge and we are very very tiny ants finding our way through it. At any point of time we are looking at only one aspect, only one edge, only one side of life. And sometimes it appears to be so beautiful and pleasant and other times it makes us feel so sick and restless and worst are the moments when we just see endless straight roads going no where.

Unfortunately, there is no complete picture, there are just our perceptions which become our experience and the bases for commenting on so called life. We are never wrong neither anyone else is. We are just moving in circles, trying to make sense of everything we see, we feel, we understand and we experience. We are trying to make a portrait of a Life, based only on the dimensions in which we observed it. And we are disappointed as the picture never gets complete but it rather starts getting messy. A every new twist in life, tells how false our understanding was. And at the end of it all we would realise that though our journey started with blank white canvas it would end with scrambled sheet with no picture but lots of grey mark, reminding us of our ups and downs, greatness and failures, understanding and misconception, every moment that we learnt or unlearnt. But wonder then, would it really matter how many emotions does life have and in how many dimensions does it exist... I am afraid I would be going as disappointed with the answer to the question "What is Life?", as much as, I am now.

Going into the shell...

2006-07-13T12:46:00.000-07:00

All of us want to go into the shell once in a while. Why? Certainly a difficult question to answer. But then there are moments one just wants to be in shell forever, be in solitude and silence. A kind of feeling which is very difficult to describe.
Today was just like any other day and today again the feeling of getting into shell became stronger. A kind of desire to detach from everything around and get involved in oneself or something of that sort. It had happened before and it has happened again. Its like being a shellfish. The moment you open up, and the whole new world opens up for you, but at the same time you run into risk of getting hurt, getting pricked by sharp thorns.
Its always difficult to decide which is a better way. A dilemma where no choice is correct or right but either one make me repent. There are questions and more questions which follow them, but no answers.
There is just me and and my silence and the darkness within the closed walls, I can see a small opening from where rays of light are trying to get in and there is this struggle within me to decide, to choose a way ..

Its life :)

2006-07-07T12:12:00.000-07:00

Life sometimes appears to be a random set of arbit events, things just seem to be happen without any purpose or significance but then one fine day everything converges to one single point. And then we wonder whether everything was well planned in advance and there was no other way things could have been.

I ll not be preaching philosophy but narrating an experience of 3 little musketeer's(Kumar, Uma amd Myself) armed with a Laptop instead of musket on 4/7.

It was in the month of March, that the pb sir gave us a project for NLP course, which we had no clue that it would get selected for NLP-AI contest organized by IIIT, Hyderabad. There were several reasons why We were skeptic about the success of our project at IIIT. But you get a cheery in the dessert when you expect it the least.

When the results came we were happy and excited. Certainly not b'coz our work was appreciated or something. But the success in the contest meant a free tour of Hyderabad. But happiness did not last long, and we got a mail saying that the contest/presentation was planned to be held in Mumbai in CDAC. In another two days we get another mail that the staying arrangements have been made in Hostel-2(IITB). What the heck, I mean, for god sake, India is such a big country and it could have been any other place, any other IIT. Huh. We were disappointed. But every dark cloud has a silver Line. With MTP submission dates approaching I guess it was best for us to have the event in Bombay itself. We had thought this was just a coincidence but we didn't have a faintest idea about what was being hold up for us in the days to come.

As a kid my teacher told me "Hope for the Best, And Prepare for the Worst". But as I stand today with all the little experience I have gathered over the years I can certainly say, Doesn't matter how much you prepare, you will not have slightest clue of how worst some things can get. Since last three days we were preparing for the contest presentation/demo, ppl must have seen us playing(Setting up) two laptops in lab. Every possible thing that could go wrong did go wrong.
By 2.00am 4th morning we went to bed confident enough that we had prepared for the worst and nothing can go wrong. We has installed every software which we may possibly need, eclipse, java 1.4 , java 1.5, font and took smallest bit of data we had. As a backup we had everything on USB drive as well.

4th July: Independence Day[USA]
Time : 6.30 ..
Got out of bed. Came out looked out at the sky. Their were dark clouds but could see no silver lining. Thought of going back to bed. Slept for another 15 min. could not sleep. While brushing teeth meet Narshimaham with a news paper, [SIGN-1] The headline said something about flood in mumbai, he showed me the news, I said who cares. These stupid rain can't stop us. Managed to get a Rick at sharp 7.30 and we (I and Kumar) were on the way to H-11 to pick Uma. It was raining heavily.
Rickshawala: Kahan ja rahen ho.
Me : Juhu
Rickshawala: Bhaisab, Bambai mat jau, Din bure chale rahen hain [SIGN-2]

Uma came with us along with a precious companion, Laptop. Covered in 2-3 polythene. So it was 4 of who started off, on the most adventurous journey of at least my life time.

Time : 7.40 ..
All of us were at bus stop in front of main gate, It was raining heavily we looked at each other. And started laughing. The look said it all, I guess the sixth sense was telling each on of us, "You ll be having most memorable day!". No Bus to Santa Cruz till 8.15. Uma, the Boss. Yes she was our guide and boss all along the journey, no one questioned her decision. So Uma decided we go to Andheri and then pick up a rick to Juhu. We quickly found a bus, and were relieved to be in dry space, that was the only moment I felt everything would be fine and easy. we got down in Andheri. It was still raining heavily and roads were empty.
There were just ppl walking all over. With great difficulty we manged to get a Rick. In Rick Uma said that her Dad had told to drop the idea of going, as rains may get bad [SIGN-3].

Time : 8.30
Place: Somewhere between Andheri and Juhu.
We started getting first glimpse of Water Clogging, it was around a feet or so. The words of consolation from Uma was, its happens every year. We felt better. Rain continued to pour continuously and we started avoiding to think how things would be in the evening if the rain continues the same way. In Juhu as expected we were lost, asked few ppl on the road and rickshawala gave fairly decent tour of Juhu which included Amitabh's Banglow.

Time : 9.30
Place : Juhu
Finally we were at Juhu. Roads abandoned. Traffic Nil. Rains Heavy . We WET. We had 2 options. Pack or bags and go home. Or be courageous and get to the place where we were suppose to be present by this time.We choose the second option, we ask the colony guard for the address, he showed us some way [Still wondering it was Right or wrong]. But in 5 min , there were these 3 musketeers(In FORMALs) charged with a laptop, in a middle of a road where there was water till the knees and steadily rising. We looked at each other at the second time. And we burst out laughing. And I don;t know what you guys are thinking as you are reading this. But trust me we had hell lot of fun. I can't describe, we were laughing and giggling and playing in the water. Life never seemed better. Guess what we would have done next. We called up PB sir and told him we are lost and asked him to tell us how to get to the place. The suggested to search for a place called "copper chimney." A hotel which was 25 min walking distance. Easier way to get there was through the a knee height water or tougher way was where water had clogged upto height of hips.

Time 10.30
Place : still at juhu.
We meet a richshawala sitting in very funny position on front sit and had a very funny ascent.

Us: Copper chimney jana hain.
Rickshawala: Haan Jao, yahan se left lo of side jao.
Us: Aap chaloge kya
Rickshawala: Wahin pe main rahat hoon. Kambar tak paani hain. Issleya yahan aay hoon.

We look at each other and decide lets go back to andheri.

Us: Bahiya Andheri chalo.
Rickshawala: Main kahin nahin jaunga. Mein aaise hien bhetunga. Main Himalaya chala jaunga par Andheri nahin jaunga.
Us: [Giggling]
Rickshawala: Main yahan bet kat public ko dhekunga.

Time 11.00
Place: Juhu Depo.
Managed to get a bus to Andheri. We were wet in patches,cracking fart jokes and doing stupid things.
------------------------------------
Me: We must sometimes listen to elders.
Uma: But how to know when to listen and when not listen.
[Applause]
------------------------------------
Me: Hey, Sit is wet. I am not sitting on it .
US : =))
------------------------------------
Kumar : This day is certainly going on my Blog.
------------------------------------
Kumar : Does IIT has a Helipad?
Me: No, Why.
Kumar : No, If we get a chopper to rescue us where the chopper would land in IITB.
Me : I think we ll use the playground
Uma : Yes Kumar. Call Chopper.
------------------------------------

Man, life is wonderful until you don;t loose your sense of humor in worst situation. Until you can find a reason to laugh don't worry, you ll not loose your nerves.

The situation in Andheri was bad. Bus was moving with 5 KMHr and the cars were submerged in water. Buses were moving with great difficulty.
By 12.00 we were at Andheri. We thought of going to Uma's house. We enquired for bus. and realized in WEST all bus services was stopped. We meet one of Uma's neighbour, who told ground floor in the Uma's building is under Water. So there were we 3 of us, on Andheri Station, having only one option to come back to IIT.

For a minute we thought, What if Bus service towards IIT is closed. Uma went to get some biscuits, I suggested her to take enough for 2-3 days[ Just in worst case ;)]. East side was bit dry. Dry in the sense there was no water clogging. And we thought that the adventure was suppose to end. But Not Yet. Not Yet.

The first bus came was A/C bus and we decided to go with it. There was big rush at the door and it was raining heavily by the time we got in, we were literarily shivering. Can you imagine having a cold water bath and sitting in a A/C room. Try it out its fun.

July 4: Independence Day
Time : 1.30.
We were back at IIT.

A most wonderful day came to an end. I don;t remember when was the last time I had so much of fun. Right now when I am sitting in dry warm OSL
and recall the incidents, it seems like it happenend in a blink. Just like dream. I don;t know, I myself suprised that, we had put so much efforts for the event, but I am not feeling even a bit of sadness for the event not being materlized. Thats something I never expected, I would feel. But whatever it is, this would go into my memories ...

Shades of another evening

2006-05-11T07:19:00.000-07:00

Every morning feel the same so is the afternoon and the night. For past so many years and countless day its been the case, But every evening is special. I have spent most of the evenings seeing sun set sometimes in sea, many a times in green mountains, now a days across powai lake. Every evening is different, every evening the sky has different shades and its not that one shade is better than the other, but is just different.

I don't know what is so special about these evenings that they make me get lost in memories, nostalgia. There are so many emotions, memories, feeling rushs through mind within seconds. So many years have passed and so many things have happened and I have grown from a kid running through the fields into a lump of fat and muscle who sit in front of comp for hours. And this transition seems to have happened in a blink. There were so many moments of trimphs and failures, successes and disasters. there were joy and tears and laughter. There were instances when I felt I am on the top world and then there were moments when life seemed so pointless. But life is like a stream of water, doesn't matter how many dams one build, how many obstacles one put, it knows to make its way through. Now when I look back, I smile, I laugh, I enjoy. All those moments tell me one thing life goes on. It will go on.

One may or may not get the thing which he wants the most. One may feel life has come to an dead end, One may feel there is no purpose in life to fight for. Doesn't matter what goes through one's mind, life finds it way though the most unexpected niche just like a stream. And just like a stream purpose of life is to enrich everything that comes its way in the way it can and keep moving, without worrying about the lost wars and battles. But one must always look back to appreciate his/her own courage in the moments of despair.

Now I guess I know why every evening shows us different shade, may be to tell us that the there are so many beautiful colors of life, and there are so many shades yet to be explored and the best of them is right there somewhere waiting...

So the moral is, make your butt move a bit every evening and try to see if you can get a glimpse of the best shade of the evning sky.

No point asking questions.

2006-05-07T08:03:00.000-07:00

Its long since I blogged last time. Really don't know if anyone do come here and read the blog. Doesn't matter. Today was just like any other day. Got up at 10 in the morning at 10.30 was in front of comp. wondering from where to start. It was a cloudy day with a nice breeze blowing. looked out of room window could see powai lake, greenery surrounding it and all sorts of birds flying in circles. I asked myself "What am I doing in this closed room?". But then what would I be doing if I am outside. Thousands of thought came to mind, what am I doing. Why i am doing, Where I am going. Whats my destiny .....
Then looked at comp. decided its better to brush up these stupid thoughts and get back to so called IMPORTANT WORK. This has become a routine, once in every 2-3 days such thoughts come to mind and they vaporize like a spray of scent, Before one can see its wetness it has disappeared leaving back a fragrence.

In the evening decided to go for a walk along the lake side. It was cool, calm and quite. I was happy to be alone. I was in no mood of talking or listening to anyone. I don;t know why I was feeling relaxed. One of my friend had asked me the same question just yesterday. "Why do feel so comfortable standing in silence on the lake side.". Here again there were question and a anxiety. Anxiety that the moment would come to an end. Its just a matter of 5-10 min. and it would be dark. And it would be an end of one more day for me for everyone around me. The moment would be gone and will never come back ever again just like anyother moment. But there was a tension, I wanted to capture the moment, wanted to hold it tight and wont let it go. But harder I tried, more freely time slipped just like sand. I gave up. I let the moment pass by me. It felt better. Why? No point asking questions.

Life is a lost battle...

2006-01-26T22:36:00.000-08:00

The day we were born a battle begun. Battle of Life. But I wonder whether its worth fighting. The battle which is already lost. Everyday we fight for the survival and every night we sleep celebrating the victory of that day. But is this a victory or just an illusion, just a consolation, just a lie which we tell us every night.

We are afraid of death and every day we fight to escape; pretending to be optimisitic about our beliefs. How long are we going to run, how far can we run. Until the day comes when we are on our death bed, and our whole life just flashs in front of our eyes, and we realize that the whole life was a biggest joke nature played.
Love, emotions, beliefs, opinions , ideas, achivements, excellance everything we cared about through-out our life become so worthless, so unimportant in that one moment. The moment we realize that everything is fake and eternal truth of life is its end..
Thats the worst moment of life, when we understand it was a lost battle we were fighting against. It was illusion which we believed in...

But I still wonder...
Are we prepared to accept death as a part of life, are we ready to consider life is not running away from death, but accepting it. Are we ready to look at life beyond a survival. Are we prepared to win the lost battle....

Dogs have Soul. What about ours...?

2006-01-14T09:05:00.000-08:00

Many a time we come across a moment which keeps its mark somewhere deep in our mind. And every now and then this thought keeps popping out, asking for explanation, which we fail to deliever. Once such insignificant event happened couple of months ago....

We here in CSE department(IITB) have a department dog. The only reason we call it our department dog is, he is found loitering in the department corridors. Its a very week, diseased dog, with a broken leg, its eyes popping out of skull and its ribs tearing the skin. We always felt pity for the dog, but very few bothered to fed it.

On evening, When I was coming to the department. What I saw just shocking. A big healthy dog was trying to get in to the department, and from no ever our own diseased dept. dog attacked the healthy dog to defend its territory, it was barking with all its energy and it appeared furious. We had never seen it in such a mood. It kept barking until the other dog had left the territory.

It was amazing to watch weak creature standing to defend its on region. To stand for what it believes in. To fight, to sacrifice without fear to lose or to die. For the first time I felt that dog has soul. But, then what about us? How much do we care about our on house, state, country for that matter. I just wonder if some robber breaks into our house, what will we do. I guess we ll prefer him to take what ever he wants. But the point we miss is, he is not intruding into our house made of concrete and iron , but he is attacking our beliefs, our dreams, our self-respect, our independence, our territory. And wat is the easiest way for us is!, Just to allow him to exploit it. We are afraid of fighting for what we believe in. And thats why I wonder where is our soul..?

We can argue that defending its territory is animals first instinct. But then what about our instincts, Is it that our intelligence has taken over them? Is it that intelligence has over-powered our soul...

The thought is still haunting me. May be some day I will be as strong as our own diseased department dog.

Silent Post.....

2006-01-04T08:32:00.000-08:00