Theory of importance.

Everyone wants to feel important. Nothing wrong about it. But at the same we want others to give us importance, to treat us to be special and we feel disappointed when this does not happen. Its the unconscious mind and buried ego that demands such a behaviour. Most of us refuse to accept this fact but its an futile attempt.

The theory of importance states that, every individual seeks for importance from selected few sources(individuals/friends/family), and feel hurt if these sources fail to do so. This concept of "importance" shows itself in two stages which are linked in complicated manner. One cannot exist without another:
1. The source approaching an individual and making a proposal giving him importance. eg. Ram asks Shyam would you like to come for movie.
2. Refusal of proposal to feel important. eg. Shyam refuses to come for movie.

Lets analyze above example: Shyam may not be really interested in watching movie. But what if Ram who is Shyam's good friend goes for movie without telling him. When Shyam learns this fact he feels disappointed. Why? The reason being Ram did not give him importance which he expected and had taken for granted from him. The fact whether he is really keen on watching movie becomes secondary and immaterial. Worse still Shyam would certainly argue that he would have come for the movie if asked.

What if we bend time-space continuum and travel back in time. And see what happens when Ram asked Shyam for a movie. Expectations are so vicious thing, we take them for granted. Ram gave importance to Shyam but for Shyam never thought he needs to appreciate this gesture. On contrary what happens next is very interesting, Shyam refuses the proposal, the reason is obvious he is not interested in movie. But there is another dark side to the decision. Acceptance of proposal is like surrender to others will and losing our importance. So you refuse and our subconscious mind feels contended.

It would be difficult for all of us to accept the part of the theory which says, "Importance of refusal." I guess it is too harsh. But when I try to justify Shyam's statement, "I would have come for movie, if Ram had called.". I cannot think of alternative explanation then what I have given.

Its important to try to understand the theory by putting ourselves in the first person and ask why do I feel disappointed if my friend/family do not ask for my opinion or consider my choice. Irrespective of the fact what answer I would have given the thought that troubles us the most is not the original question under consideration but our lack of trust in the other person and feeling of betrayal only because other person did not give me importance or in other words hurt my subconscious ego(Which none of us think we have).

Drinking is bad, Its a Sin?

Recently I found myself in middle of the following conversation.
Lady Friend: Do you Drink?
Me: Yes, Why?
And I could see her face change. As if those expressions said, "Drinking is bad, Its a Sin.". I didn't extend the conversation because harder I would have tried to explain that "Drinking" as normal act more it would have looked like a "Justification of my so called Sin".

Being in Goa for last 25 years. The place is so much influenced by western culture, that drinking alcohol never came to me as a cultural shock. No one ever argued about drinking as good or bad act neither anyone insisted others to have or to stop drinking. Over the years being in goa, the implication, "Boozing implies addict/hitting wife/vomit/bad-mouthing/lying in gutter" never occurred to me as such examples were rare compared to number of people I had seen drinking. May be its because of the maturity of a particular community towards a particular aspect of life.

But certainly that gaze of my friend still confuses me. I pondered alot not for "Justification of an act" but rather to take it to a level above. Coming back to the original question, "Is Drinking bad/sin?". Hmmm... Certainly the word "bad" in itself is relative and solely depends upon an individuals perspective . But still taking a step ahead, I would say an act is bad if that act results in physical/mental anguish of society or group of people or of an individual himself. And in my opinion a person who is an occasional drinker hardly indulges himself in any activity which is hurtful to the society or an individual. OK. The above explanation may seem like a justification. In which case lets talk about something else. Lets consider work. "Is working bad?". Certainly not. That's the most creative and constructive thing to do. But is it always the case. Have you ever encountered an Workaholic? A person who is so passionate about his work, that he spends 12-14 hours working (certainly there many of them in IT industry.) Do they do justice to their own physical/mental health or the health of their family and society. The statistics say that, the rate of suicide, divorce and impotency is the most in IT industry and cause being the workload and competition. So working hard is bad?

The point is how well a person knows where and when to stop. Let it be work, playing. Internet gaming, love, emotions, orkutting, chatting and for that matter drinking. By their inception they are not bad, its an inability of a person to control their actions is where the problem lies.

In my opinion people take "Drinking" at its face value. You would see a person fully drunk lying beside road-side and happily conclude "all drinkers are the same". But one would never peep into a devastated lovers heart and say "No one should fall in love". You would not see fights in Workaholics home and stop putting extra hours at work. You will never understand the depression of "gaming freak" and stop playing minesweeper. No doubt addiction is bad but it does not make the act itself ruinous.

Recently I happened to interact with gals and most of them were of strong opinion that their to be husband would be "Non-drinkers". Its very much same as when guy say my to be wife would be with "Good looks and figure". Certainly both are the wrong means of judging a person. I always feel tempted to tell these gals please think of maturity and integrity of man before having "Non-drinker" specification on their list. Its certainly worth being with a man who knows the difference rather then a man who is ignorant about it.