Marriage:Complete Surrender
Almost one and a half year back during my wedding reception my father-in-law introduced me to his very good friend, a businessman from Delhi. He warmly greeted me and introduced me to his wife. We were having a casual chat and he joked. Aniket, let me tell you one thing, there is only one secret to all successful marriages, its "Complete Surrender". All of us had a good laugh. I had almost forgotten about it until few days back I subconsciously shared this joke with some one and I started think about it to understand: Does "Complete Surrender" really has a secret to a happily married life.
In my opinion Yes and No. It purely depends upon the perception of "What am I surrendering?"
When I first time heard the joke, my reaction was simple, Surrender of once bachelor-ship, freedom, opinion, right and identity (NOTE: Very much is casual sense). But when I rethink of it I guess I see a more clearer picture. Yes, in "Complete Surrender" by both husband and wife lies the path towards happy marriage . But its very important to define Surrender of what! Opinion? Freedom? Identity? I don't think so. On contrary I don't even think one can surrender them , At most one can achieve is suppression of their own opinion and voice.
Doesn't matter which relation we talk about opinions are meant to clash against each other. Be it Parent-Child or Husband-Wife or a Friend. Opinions are crucial for our identity to exist, for us to exist and no two people will ever have exactly same identity and so its natural to have difference in opinions on different topics .So the clash of opinions in nothing but natural. Parent-Child opinion collision happen and do resolve as parent have edge and authority[Not always, but many a times]. Among friends we avoid opinion clashes to avoid conflicts, it relatively more simpler. But for a healthy marriage opinion-clashes are inevitable, and the challenge is how do we resolve the differences. Neither parents way nor friends ways of dealing with clashes works here.
Many couple feel the heat of incompatibility sooner or later and they may have a list of situations, examples, scenarios supporting the same. But digging a but deeper there seems to be a single root cause. When ever there is collision of two object there is generation of energy. Any clashes would inevitable generate energy if not dissipated smartly would add to the incompatibility sum. What we call incompatibility is nothing but inability to accept the difference in opinions and the thought processes.
Equilibrium. peace, harmony and tranquility can be achieved only when we find a way to dissipate the energy. Next obvious expectation is to find a way to let this energy disperse/release. Interesting the quest to this solution would lead us no where, may be because we are asking a wrong question. May be it would be more appropriate to ask, what is stopping the energy from dissipating? Since we are the source of energy it is natural for the sink as well has to reside within.
In my belief answer is quite simple and it should not take anyone by surprise, I feel its our Ego which insulates the heat from sinking in. And it is the complete surrender of this ego to each other is where lies the happiness of married life.
This is not a theory, Neither it is a fact. Its not based on observation, nor on conscious experience of mine. Its purely sequence of thoughts my mind went through. If you think its complete rubbish, I will agree with you more then anyone else.
In my opinion Yes and No. It purely depends upon the perception of "What am I surrendering?"
When I first time heard the joke, my reaction was simple, Surrender of once bachelor-ship, freedom, opinion, right and identity (NOTE: Very much is casual sense). But when I rethink of it I guess I see a more clearer picture. Yes, in "Complete Surrender" by both husband and wife lies the path towards happy marriage . But its very important to define Surrender of what! Opinion? Freedom? Identity? I don't think so. On contrary I don't even think one can surrender them , At most one can achieve is suppression of their own opinion and voice.
Doesn't matter which relation we talk about opinions are meant to clash against each other. Be it Parent-Child or Husband-Wife or a Friend. Opinions are crucial for our identity to exist, for us to exist and no two people will ever have exactly same identity and so its natural to have difference in opinions on different topics .So the clash of opinions in nothing but natural. Parent-Child opinion collision happen and do resolve as parent have edge and authority[Not always, but many a times]. Among friends we avoid opinion clashes to avoid conflicts, it relatively more simpler. But for a healthy marriage opinion-clashes are inevitable, and the challenge is how do we resolve the differences. Neither parents way nor friends ways of dealing with clashes works here.
Many couple feel the heat of incompatibility sooner or later and they may have a list of situations, examples, scenarios supporting the same. But digging a but deeper there seems to be a single root cause. When ever there is collision of two object there is generation of energy. Any clashes would inevitable generate energy if not dissipated smartly would add to the incompatibility sum. What we call incompatibility is nothing but inability to accept the difference in opinions and the thought processes.
Equilibrium. peace, harmony and tranquility can be achieved only when we find a way to dissipate the energy. Next obvious expectation is to find a way to let this energy disperse/release. Interesting the quest to this solution would lead us no where, may be because we are asking a wrong question. May be it would be more appropriate to ask, what is stopping the energy from dissipating? Since we are the source of energy it is natural for the sink as well has to reside within.
In my belief answer is quite simple and it should not take anyone by surprise, I feel its our Ego which insulates the heat from sinking in. And it is the complete surrender of this ego to each other is where lies the happiness of married life.
This is not a theory, Neither it is a fact. Its not based on observation, nor on conscious experience of mine. Its purely sequence of thoughts my mind went through. If you think its complete rubbish, I will agree with you more then anyone else.
posted by Aniket at 4:15 AM
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